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The below work is transcribed for the purposes of criticism and review as allowed under UK law as fair dealing.

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"Live from the BBC" Episode #1.1 (TV Episode 2016) - IMDb

Transcription – Nish Kumar – Broadcast: 24\02\2016

Start Date of Transcription – 30-06-2020

TRANSCRIPTION START – 07:50

B1	[A:C(15)]	1
	{Enters from upstage left, both arms in the air and pointing all the way to the microphone, acknowledges the applause with a smile and then removes the microphone from the stand}	2
	Yes!	3
	{Moves the microphone stand to downstage right}	4
	Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Nish Kumar	5
	How are you are you alright? [C:<yeah>]	6
	What was that somebody shouted at the top? [!Yeah!]	7
1a	Yeah hi, who’s from Croydon? [!yeah!:!yeah!]	8
1b	I’m from Croydon! [C(3):!whistle!]	9
1c	I am yeah, I’m a prominent Croydoner, it’s er… the only other two things to come out of Croydon are Kate Moss and the concept of crime, so… [L(2)]	10
2a	Great to [!And Me!] see you all ladies and gentlemen, and you yeah [l]	11
2b	Of course it would be the people from Croydon who were shouting [L(2)]	12
2c	Not doing anything to, help our image	13
B2 3a	It’s nice to be here ladies and gentlemen my names Nish, erm…	14
3b	I hope you enjoy the er jokes, I’ve got some jokes to tell you erm…	15
3c	I hope you enjoy them, if you don’t, wow! I am sorry! [L(2)]	16
3d	That will almost certainly have been my fault [L(2)]	17
3e	You know… At least sixty forty that way round, [l] you know	18
4a	Because the problem is that’s the problem with comedy like…	19
4b	I love being a comedian and it’s a job that I absolutely adore	20
4c	But it’s a strange job because I might do it to the best of my abilities	21
4d	And you might not, enjoy it	22
4e	That’s the nature of comedy it’s an inherently subjective medium no two people can agree on what’s funny	23
4f	So if you don’t think I’m funny that’s absolutely fine	24
4g	The only problem that I have as a comedian is that if somebody thinks what I’m doing is not funny, it stops being comedy [l]	25
4h	And there’s no other job like that	26
4i	If you’re a builder and you build a wall people go {hands up in shrugging motion} “That’s a good wall” or {hands up in shrugging motion} “that’s a shit wall”	27
4j	No-one says “That is not a wall!”  [L(3)]	28
4k	You… “You built a bloody duck mate what were you thinking?” [L]	29
B3 5a	And I like the fact that people have different opinions I like arguing	30
5b	I think that’s part of what makes being a human being interesting and exciting	31
5c	I don’t like it when people can’t justify their opinions or do so on spurious grounds	32
5d	Like my dad doesn’t like rap music	33
5e	Now listen, I like rap music but I know there’s a lot of good reasons not to like rap music	34
5f	Misogyny, homophobia, the needless celebration of wealth	35
5g	My dad [L] doesn’t like rap…	36
5h	(confused) that does not normally get a laugh [L(3)]	37
5i	Very unusual people being like {flails hands in clapping motion} “ha-ha.. yeah” [L(2)]	38
5j	“I love all three of those things” [L(3)]	39
5k	My dad doesn’t like rap music because he says it’s easy	40
5l	And then he will prove that, by doing a rap [L(3)]	41
6a	He’ll go |”Rap music is really easy Nish watch this”	42
6b	(rapping badly) “my name is dad and I’m here to say I’m a really great guy…”| [L(2)]	43
6c	That’s not proof of anything [L]	44
6d	You can’t say something’s easy and your evidence is you do it badly [L]	45
6e	That’s like me going “Jazz music’s really easy watch this”	46
6f	(high pitched singing) “bladi-bladi-blaaaaaa” [l]	47
6g	“Oh check out this easy juggling” {drops microphone with a thud} [L:a(5)]	48
B4 7a	And I had two different arguments with two separate friends	49
7b	Because they didn’t go and see ’12 Years A Slave’	50
7c	Now, did anyone go and see ’12 Years A Slave’? [w:<yes>]	51
7d	Yeah I like that movie, I thought it was really good	52
7e	I mean by the end I was crying out of my mouth, I didn’t even know that was possible [L(2)] right	53
8a	But two of my friends didn’t go and see that film	54
8b	One of my friends said |“Oh, I’m not going to see that film Nish”|	55
8c	And I said “why not?” and he said |”cos it’s not, even a good film”| [l]	56
8d	Which I think is logically.. interesting [l]	57
8e	I was like “Why? What do you mean it’s not a good film?”	58
8f	And he said |“well it’s just cos it’s about slavery isn’t it	59
8g	People just think it’s a good film because it’s about slavery	60
8h	It’s not even a good film people are just tricked cos it’s about slavery”|	61
8i	Now I’m pretty sure that’s not  the case [L]	62
8j	Right I’m pretty sure ’12 Years A Slave’ did really well because some people think it’s a good film	63
8k	In fact, I know that’s the case cos I don’t think ’12 Years A Slave’ would have won all the Oscars it had won	64
8l	If it had starred Eddie Murphy as four different slaves [L(2)]	65
8m	And a Chinese man for no reason [L(3)]	66
9a	And then one of my other friends just went |{dismissive hand gesture} “I don’t need to see that film Nish”|	67
9b	And I said “why not?” and he said |“Oh! Because I already know (higher pitched) slavery was bad”|[L(4)] {looks around in confusion}	68
9c	It wasn’t a twist ending! [L(3)]	69
9d	It’s not like the rest of us got to the end and went “Oh my god! Slavery was the bad guuuuuuuy!” [L]	70
9e	“This is like ‘The Sixth Sense’!”[l]	71
10a	And I went to see ’12 Years A Slave’ and, you know I really enjoyed it	72
10b	But at the end I made a slight.. faux pas in my mind right	73
10c	Because at the end of the movie erm	74
10d	the lights came er, back up	75
10e	and everybody was sort of recovering from it	76
10f	and you know it was a very moving film and there was a girl behind me who was still crying	77
10g	and this girl was black	78
10h	and I was like “Oh my god, this is incredible” [l]	79
10i	“She must have had some kind of personal connection to this film”	80
10j	“I’m so moved that I’m here to share what is clearly an important moment in her cultural and personal development” [l]	81
10k	And then I realised that’s the most patronising thing I’ve ever [L(3)]  thought in my life	82
11a	And I know it is because I remember how I felt a couple of years ago when people just kept coming up to me and going |”Dude” {thumps chest twice and points} “Slumdog!”| [L:a(6)] {shakes head repeatedly with eyes closed}	83
11b	“Slumdog millionaire, I have tasted your pain” [L(3)→l(3)]	84
B5 12a	So I like the fact that people can sort of agree and disagree about different things	85
12b	But like I say you just have to think about	86
12c	what the grounds are, that your justifying it on	87
12d	like one of my dad’s friends was arguing me… with me recently	88
12e	And he said |”Nish everyone your age is really weak, you’re a weak generation”|	89
12f	Now there is definitely a good argument to be made on that case	90
12g	But not the grounds he chose	91
12h	Because he chose to justify that, he said |”You’re all weak Nish”| and his justification for it was lactose intolerance [L(3)]	92
12i	He’s like |”Nish look how many people your age are lactose intolerant!	93
12j	Back in my day we fought milk, [L] that’s how tough we were”|	94
13a	But of course we all know that’s not how disease and discovery works	95
13b	The same number of people have always been lactose intolerant	96
13c	It’s just now we know it’s called that	97
13d	Fifty years ago somebody would go to the doctor and be like	98
13e	|”Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong with me	99
13f	I drink milk all the time and I feel awful what’s wrong with me?”|	100
13g	And the doctor would just go |{shrugging} “Pffffft….” [L(2)]	101
13h	“…ghosts?”| [L(2)]	102
13i	Like that was the best guess that they could come up with	103
B6 14a	So er… I’m a British Asian gentleman	104
14b	And it’s a good time to be a British Asian gentleman right now [l]	105
14c	It’s a pretty sweet time you know? It’s pretty good	106
14d	Like I really believe there’s nothing I can’t do right now that a white person can, I really believe that	107
14e	There’s nothing I can’t do that a white person can do	108
14f	Oh there’s one thing I can’t do that white people can do and that’s, play pranks at an international airport, because… [L(3)]	109
14g	You know I don’t care what you say that fun is not open to you [L]	110
14h	If you have the voice of ‘Downton Abbey’ but the face of ‘Homeland’ [L(4)]	111
14i	That is not.. an option	112
15a	My white friends are always like |”Nish lets have some banter with the customs officials”|	113
15b	I say “no thank you the only prank I’m playing is let’s not get fingered, OK?” [L(4):a]	114
15c	I walk into airports my bag in one hand my shoes in the other	115
15d	I wear t-shirts that say “I heart the west” [L(2)] just…	116
15e	Run up to random white people “you know what sucks? Jihad! Ha-ha!” [L(4)]	117
16a	I have er what’s er known scientifically as an ethnically ambiguous face erm…	118
16b	No-one really seems to know where er I come from	119
16c	Er which just means I get searched at customs everywhere like [L]	120
16d	I don’t know, like people just really hedging their bets [l(2)] with me	121
17a	But generally you know things are getting, things are getting way easier	122
17b	Things are getting much better, like even conversationally we’ve moved so far	123
17c	Conversationally it’s no longer acceptable to do an accent	124
17d	If it’s clearly an impersonation of a non-white ethnicity	125
17e	If you do it people get really uncomfortable	126
17f	It’s seen… it’s like Benny Hill doing Chinese voices in the seventies	127
17g	It’s seen as something we just don’t, sort of do anymore	128
17h	Apart from one ethnic group	129
17i	There is one ethnic group we have no problem impersonating for some reason	130
17j	And that ethnic group is black women from the southern states of America [l]	131
17k	Because for some weird reason no matter how liberal a person is	132
17l	Occasionally they’ll just go |{shaking head up and down} (southern American accent) “And you know momma don’t like that!”| [L(3)]	133
17m	You’re like {offended faces}	134
17n	How is that OK? [L(2)]	135
17o	That is definitely not OK! [L(2)]	136
18a	If I do an Indian accent people go |”Nish you should not do that, it’s crass, it’s offensive, |{shaking head up and down} (southern American accent) “And you know momma don’t like that!”|| [L(4)]	137
18b	And if you take nothing away from anything else I say to you tonight ladies and gentlemen	138
18c	I think we can all agree that “Momma Don’t Like That” would definitely be the name of that Eddie Murphy remake of ‘12 Years a Slave’ [L(3)]	139
18d	That is…	140
18e	Almost beyond doubt [l]	141
B7 19a	I’ve had a lot of changes in my er personal life	142
19b	I was single for a long time but I’ve recently er… taken a woman [L(3)]	143
19c	{shakes head} I’m almost certain that is not how you are supposed to phrase that right [L(2)]	144
20a	I was single for a long time because I was always quite sexually reticent	145
20b	Like when I was at school I didn’t really kiss girls, largely because I was busy getting some excellent A-level results erm… [L(3)]	146
20c	Did very well… [A:w(5)]	147
20d	Thank you yes correct	148
20e	I was that kind of kid	149
21a	And I’m aware there might be some people in here who kissed loads of people and did very well in their exams	150
21b	And let me just take this opportunity to say this	151
21c	(angry) go fuck yourself! [L(2)]	152
21d	No one likes you! [L(2)]	153
22a	I was not the most sporty kid to be honest er	154
22b	When I was at school er the only sport I really played to any distinction was cricket	155
22c	I loved playing cricket, I still love playing cricket now but I loved playing cricket when I was at school	156
22d	And er eventually I won an award for playing cricket	157
22e	Now every year they would give out awards for playing cricket that were all pretty self-explanatory	158
22f	There’s “Best Batsman” that’s for best batsman, “Best Bowler” that’s for best bowler, “Best Player” that’s the best all-round player	159
22g	Then there was the award that I won	160
22h	An award called “Clubman of the Year” [l]	161
22i	An award that I have subsequently found out was presented on the criteria of they boy who’d shown the most enthusiasm	162
22j	In the face of, and I quote, “an overwhelming lack of abilities”, [L(5)→l:a(2)] so…	163
B8 23a	So I was quite, you know	164
23b	I was shy around girls when I was at school	165
23c	Which is fine, it’s not a problem	166
23d	The only problem is if you’re shy around people you are sexually interested in when you’re a younger person	167
23e	You don’t make mistakes	168
23f	And you should make mistakes so you can have some idea about how to talk to these people when you become an adult	169
23g	So I grew up, because I wasn’t really trying, with some bad ideas [l]	170
23h	About five years ago I became obsessed with the idea that I needed to be more mysterious	171
23i	I was like “I need to be more mysterious [l]	172
23j	That’s what girls like” now… [L(2)]	173
23k	Yeah, fair enough OK?	174
24a	Let me explain my reasoning	175
24b	At the time I was watching a lot of episodes of the TV show ‘Mad Men’	176
24c	Now. [l] the lead character in ‘Mad Men’ is Don Draper	177
24d	And he’s really mysterious and attractive so I was like	178
24e	“Well that’s what I’ll do. [l]	179
24f	I’ll be mysterious and so I’ll become attractive”	180
24g	Now, the key problem here is that Don Draper is played by Jon Hamm	181
24h	I am not played by Jon Hamm [L(3)]	182
25a	And when I try and be mysterious it just comes off as threatening [L(2)]	183
25b	I once said to a woman with no discernible trace of irony	184
25c	|{stares forward, lowers head over microphone}(reedy monotone voice) “You have no idea what I’m capable of”| [L:A(5)]	185
26a	Sometimes it wasn’t even like I was trying to chat these women up	186
26b	Like once I went into this pub and saw a girl I know, like I’m friends with her	187
26c	And I went up behind her, put my hands on her shoulders {crouches with hands forward} and went to kiss her on the cheek	188
26d	And at this point I realised, this was not a girl I knew [L(2)]	189
26e	{looks across audience, still crouched} This was a girl who looked like a girl I knew [L]	190
26f	Now. That is a retrievable situation	191
26g	All you have to do is say “I do apologise madam, I thought you were someone else, have a nice day”	192
26h	(shouting) {standing up} what you must not do [L]	193
26i	Is have your hands on a woman’s shoulders {crouches back down and leans forward}	194
26j	Be this close to her face and when she turns around just go |(deep creepy voice) “oh dear!”| because… [L(6):a]	195
26k	{stands back up} You have just scared a woman ladies and gentleman [L(3)]	196
26l	Scared and kind of insulted to be honest [L(2)→l]	197
B9 27a	So I’m in a relationship, the relationship is going erm…	198
27b	Is going well er. Because she is a nice lady, you know?	199
27c	{scoffs} that doe.. “Nice lady” never sounds strong enough does it? [l]	200
27d	“shes a nice lady.. she’s a solid fellow” [L(2)]	201
28a	If there was one thing I could change about my relationship er	202
28b	And it really would just be one thing, it’s a very small thing	203
28c	It’s one thing, very small	204
28d	It’s one thing, it’s very small [l]	205
28e	It’s one thing, it’s very small [l]	206
28f	It’s one thing… {puts two fingers almost together and opens mouth} (gurgling noise) [l]	207
28g	It’s one thing {puts two fingers almost together, mutters unintelligible words} [l]	208
28h	And that thing would be my entire personality because [L]	209
28i	I really believe that’s the last obstacle to us being truly happy right? [L]	210
29a	My girlfriend and I were in Australia last year and	211
29b	We were in Sydney and Sydney’s an incredibly beautiful city	212
29c	It really delivers on it’s postcard right	213
29d	There’s a point you can stand in Sydney where you’ve got the harbour bridge on one side and the	214
29e	Opera house on the other side and you can watch the sort of…	215
29f	You can just stand there and look at this incredible view	216
29g	It’s really really beautiful, and I’m there with my girlfriend	217
29h	We’ve had this amazing holiday together	218
29i	We’ve grown closer as a couple and we’re in this incredible place	219
29j	Now that should be a moment of real, fundamental existential calm for me right?	220
29k	But for some reason, at that exact moment	221
29l	The thought in my head was “This’ll be one of those things you’ll look back on fondly when you’ve broken up” [L(5)]	222
29m	{widens eyes as if in shock} who the hell thinks like that? [L]	223
29n	Who can’t experience one moment of joy without immediately thinking	224
29o	“That’s one for the sorrow montage” [L(4)]	225
29p	That is weapons-grade pessimism [L]	226
30a	That’s like someone saying |“Do you think this glass is half full or half empty?”|	227
30b	And me just replying “Does it matter? One day we’ll all be dead” [L(3):a]	228
31a	And it surprised me	229
31b	I didn’t know I was capable of that sort of, volcanic pessimism [l]	230
31c	It… it sort of came out of nowhere	231
31d	And I said to my girlfriend afterwards	232
31f	“I think I might be quite, you know	233
32g	Quite a pessimistic person”	234
32h	And she was like |{spins head to audience and laughs manically} “ha-ha-ha!” [L]	235
32i	“Yes you are Nish, me and your friends talk about it all the time”| [L(2)]	236
33a	And I felt so foolish	237
33b	Because I felt like I had this whole sense of who I was as a person	238
33c	And the more I talked to my girlfriend	239
33d	The more that that turned out to not be the case	240
33e	I sort of think of myself as a sort of free spirit	241
33f	An optimistic dreamer who wears his heart on his sleeve	242
33g	His sleeve on his shirt and his shirt on his, torso right? [L]	243
33h	Now that I have a girlfriend she’s like |”Nish you are none of those things	244
33i	You’re an introverted pessimist and frankly it’s quite difficult to be around you a lot of the time”| [L(2)]	245
B10 34a	Now. The problem is that for a long time I was single	246
34b	So my personality was under no real intimate scrutiny	247
34c	So. I basically thought about a person that I would like to be	248
34d	And then I just pretended I was that person [L]	249
34e	And because there was no-one checking [l]	250
34f	There was no problem! [l]	251
34g	So I was just walking around being like “I’m a great guy”	252
34h	And the only person there was me who was going “yes you are Nish” [L(2)]	253
34i	“You are.. an absolute legend, you’re lucky to have you” [L(2)]	254
35a	And my problem is that if my personality has drifted that is a serious issue	255
35b	Because I currently believe myself to be the best version of myself that I’d ever been	256
35c	I think that I’ve learnt a lot and I’m acting in a way in which I’m really proud	257
35d	Now the problem is clearly I’m not the best version of myself that I’ve ever been and this has happened before	258
35e	I thought I was the best version of myself that I’d ever been when I was eighteen years old	259
35f	And when I was eighteen years old I was a jet-powered bell-end [L]	260
35g	I used to wear a bandana and call people daddy-o	261
35h	That’s [L(3)] not acceptable	262
36a	And the other problem is that I have a giant ego	263
36b	Huge	264
36c	I know you know, of all people	265
36d	Given what is happening right in front of you, right? [l]	266
36e	I obviously think I’m something of a laugh, clearly [l]	267
36f	By my choice of profession	268
36g	But you have no idea of the extent to which my ego has got, out of hand right?	269
36h	A couple of days ago I was having a coffee with my friend	270
36i	And as I was speaking I lost my train of thought	271
36j	And the reason I lost my train of thought is because as I was speaking	272
36k	In my head I started thinking {smug expression} “well I am being very interesting here” [L(5)]	273
36l	“I’m so interesting, I’m intellectually stimulating, I’m a great laugh, I’m jealous of people who get to meet me”	274
36m	That’s the thing! [L(3)]	275
B11 37a	Um, so…	276
37b	The reason that my girlfriend and I had been out in Australia is	277
37c	I’d been out in Australia doing some gigs	278
37d	I was doing some gigs at the Melbourne Comedy Festival	279
37e	Now, the gigs were really fun	280
37f	Which is good because I didn’t think they were going to be	281
37g	Because before I went to do the gigs there was an incident	282
37h	Now, a lot of the time when you go to a comedy festival	283
37i	There’s too many comedians to interview er… sort of all individually	284
37j	So what they’ll do is they’ll send out Q & A’s	285
37k	Now these are all the same questions everyone gets and they’re all..	286
37l	It’s like a standard form that you get sent out	287
37m	And they’re all sort of boring questions like “Where are you from? Who are your favourite comedians?” Blah blah blah	288
37n	Then occasionally journalists will get creative	289
37o	I have no idea why they feel the need to ask wacky questions	290
37p	But they ask some wacky wacky questions	291
37q	There’ll be a question like |(higher pitched) “Oh!” {chuckles faux mirthfully} [S→l]	292
37r	“if your comedy show was a dog, what kind of dog would it be?!” [l]	293
37s	{chuckles faux mirthfully at length} [L(2)]	294
37t	“I’m so wacky!” {chuckles faux mirthfully} [L(2)]	295
37u	“Maybe I should be a comedian, what? shut up” [L(2)] Now…	296
38a	I’m filling one of these things out	297
38b	And I’m happy to do it because I get to, go to Australia	298
38c	And I’m going through one of these questions and there’s also boring questions like	299
38d	Where are you from who are your favourite comedians	300
38e	Then there is a question that has been personalised for me	301
38f	It’s in a different font so I spot it a mile off	302
38g	It’s clearly been inserted into an existing document	303
38f	And the question that these people had personalised for me is this	304
38h	“How come Christians are allowed to draw pictures of their prophets and Muslims aren’t?” [l]	305
38i	{looks around in disbelief} [L]	306
38j	To which the obvious answer is…	307
38k	I don’t know! [L]	308
38l	My parents are Hindus! [L(2)]	309
39a	I’ve got no idea… why they think I would know! [L]	310
39b	Now one of two things has happened here	311
39c	Either these people have seen that I’ve got a foreign name and just thought	312
39d	|”must be a Muzzer, definite Muzzer” [L(2)]	313
39e	“Nish Kumar is a classic Muzzer name” [L]	314
40a	Or they think we have non-white-people meetings [l]	315
40b	Where we assemble.. set the non-white agenda for the year [L]	316
40c	And then retire to a screening room where we watch a DVD of ‘Boyz N the Hood’ and… [L(2)]	317
B12 41a	Let me tell you something ladies and gentlemen right	318
41b	I was doing a gig in a part of the UK which I will not name	319
41c	And there was a group of nervous-looking middle-aged white people here {points to front row}	320
41d	And it was a three sided room so there were two banks of seats here {points to either side of the stage}	321
41e	Which were empty apart from one black guy who was sat here {points to stage right}	322
41f	Presumably because they were keeping an eye on him and [L(2)]	323
41g	This guy obviously decided, he was going to have some fun right?	324
41h	Because when I men… when I used the phrase “non-white-people meetings”	325
41i	He turned to make sure that they were all looking at him [l]	326
41j	And then in full view of all these people just looked at me and went…	327
41k	{taps nose conspiratorially repeatedly and closes eyes} [L:a(7)]	328
41l	{makes “bellissimo” gesture, kisses fingertips and tosses away}	329
41m	{turning away from audience and moving microphone stand to his right} You have not lived until you’ve seen a room full of middle aged white people simultaneously shit their pants right? [L(3)]	330
B11a 42a	So. Obviously I didn’t know how to answer this question cos this is a contentious subject	331
42b	And, you know I don’t want to {stammers} upset anybody	332
42c	But I was offended	333
42d	Like I didn’t think they had the right to ask me those kind of questions	334
42e	My Muslim friends wouldn’t know how to answer that question so	335
42f	I felt very uncomfortable	336
42g	But it was hard for me to articulate my discomfort because the next question was	337
42h	|(higher pitched) “Oh!” {chuckles faux mirthfully} [L]	338
42i	“if your comedy show was grass would you feed it to a horse?!”| [l]	339
42j	And I was like “you can’t just jump back into whimsy [L]	340
42k	After you’ve just asked me a serious theological question” [L]	341
43a	But then luckily there was a little scope for discussion	342
43b	Because the last question. wasn’t really a question	343
43c	It was a task	344
43d	They had given us the first half of a joke	345
43e	And we had to complete the second half	346
43f	They’d given us the feed line, we had to write the punchline	347
43g	You were supposed to complete this in a way that shows your distinctive style of humour	348
43h	So people will come and watch you do the show	349
43j	And the feed line that they’d given us the first half of the joke was	350
43k	“A book walks into a bar, and sees.. a bookcase” {beat}	351
43l	And this is how I finished the joke {beat}	352
43m	A book walks into a bar, and sees.. a bookcase {beat}	353
43n	And the book says…	354
43o	|(enthusiastically) “Hey bookcase!” {mugs for a second at audience} [S]	355
43p	“How come Christians are allowed to [L(3)] draw pictures of their prophets	356
43q	and Muslims aren’t?”| [L(2):a]	357
43r	And the bookcase said…	358
43s	|”I don’t know” [l]	359
43t	“I am a book case” [L(3)→A:W(7)]	360
43u	“and as such.. have no idea about Islamic theology” [L]	361
43v	“I assume you’ve asked me because I’m a brown bookcase” [L(4)]	362
43w	“in which case you can go to hell”| [L(2)]	363
B13	Ladies and gentlemen, you have been an absolute delight	364
	My name is Nish Kumar, thank you very much, goodnight! {holds right hand up in wave} [W:A:C(12)]	365
	{replaces microphone in stand, bows, raises both hands, then exits upstage right}	366

 

TRANSCRIPTION END – 27:45

Total performance time – 19:55